HEI YO! BITCH! YOU'RE FUCKING DRIPPIN!!

-It is 2:25 AM when i begins to write this-

I was trying to kill myself on last Eid Al-Fithr. It was my first time to celebrate it without my mom. But that wasn't my only reason to did, you kno, suicide.

Papa. He's my reason.
So i was a bit happy. Just a bit happy -because no mom- to celebrated that special day. But only in one night, my dad broke it.

He took me, my lil brother, and my cousin to visit his friend. I didn't know who. I was just keep silent.. But in my mind, i guessed he will take me to that bitch's house.. And thats true.. Totaly true..

We came in her house. I felt so hot inside. So mad. It was so hard to shaking hand with her. But i remembered what my mom said,

"We may hate her. But we have to do it to respect papa."

(God! Please take me! Just take me soon!)

I was tryin not to explode. And i thought that my dad realized it.. He soon asked permition to go. So we went away.

But my heart has broken.. Crushed.. -maybe like a miror smash to pieces-
I was tryin to hold on all night. Hold on in tears that droped from my tears. Wished that tomorrow will be a better day.

In the next morning, i woke up with madness. Madness because my dad's cellphone got some missed call. Wonder when was my dad going. Because it keep ringing, i decided to check. And that was those bitch. -FUCK YOU! DAMN!-
I was getting angry that way. Just that way. But i wasnt mean to pick up the call.

But she wasnt stop calling. -Fuck again! Maybe this bitch wont stop if my dad didnt answer the call-
So i decided to answer it, BUT,,, I GOT AN IDEA! I told my cousin,
"i'll answer it but will say nothing.. And to gave a sweet add, i'll give her a song."
So i answer it, say nothing but played a hardcore song. OMG i was laughing so hard! Lol

She then closed the phone and called my brother's number -WTF! Where the heck she knew his number? Oh right! Beloved papa!- -My lil brother was out with papa. He left his phone at home-
But.. I did the same way..
Then she called my number.. I keep doing the same..

Not long.. My dad and brother came home. Then she texted me.. Uhmm.. Well...
"-I DONT WANNA READ THAT MESSAGE SO IDK WHAT THE FUCK SHE WAS TELLING ME. AND IDEC BOUT IT-"

That wasnt what she texted to me but tbh idek what was she said bcoz i wasnt read it.. I was just open it, showed it to my cousin and then i quickly erased it.. Just like that..
But at least my cousin read it..
JUST LIKE THAT!! I DIDNT EVEN REPLY THAT GODDAMN MESSAGE! PAPA,,, HEAR ME! PLEASE! I DIDNT REPLY HER MESSAGE!! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE SAID!!!

My dad told my aunt -my cousin's mother- that the bitch told my dad, "How did you take care of your children? She was said 'fuck' to me."

WHAT?? IN THAT "PHONE INTERACTION MOMENTS" I WAS SAY NOTHING TO YOU, BITCH!!

I GAVE YOU SONGS TO HEAR AND THAT WHAT YOU SAID TO MY DAD?

A BEING LIKE YOU WANNA CHANGE MY MOM BESIDE MY DAD??

PLEASE GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY FAMILY'S LIFE! FROM MY PAPA- FROM MY BROTHER! FROM ME!

I JUST WANT YOU TO GO AWAY!!

YOU MADE MY MOM'S HEART BROKEN UNTILL SHE PASSED AWAY! WHY ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

IM NOT MY MOM! I CANT HOLD ON FOR YEARS! I CANT KEEP MY FEELING HIDEN FOR YEARS!! I CANT!

I BETTER DIE! BITCH IF YOU WANT MY DAD, JUST KILL ME! EVEN THOUGH I WILL NEVER APROVE YOU, JUST KILL ME!! IT'S BETTER!!

I HAVE REALLY SERIOUS INSOMNIA BECAUSE WHEN I TRYNA CLOSE MY EYES THOSE MIND ABOUT "WHAT IF SHE MARRIED MY DAD?" "WHAT IF SHE SOLD THIS HOUSE?" AND ANOTHER "WHAT IF" KEEP MAKES ME AWAKE.. I DONT WANT IT HAPPEN!!
PLEASE, BITCH! KILL ME!!

I AM NOW A BAD GIRL IN MY DAD'S EYES BECAUSE OF YOU BITCH!! YOU BROKE MY LIFE!! I WAS LOSING 2 YEARS MY TIME WITH MY PARENTS BECAUSE ALL OF THE EDUCATION AGENDAS! AND DURING THOSE TWO YEARS YOU ADDED IT WITH YOUR WAY BROKE MY FAMILY!
YOU BROKE MY LIFE!
WHEN I BACK HOME LAST YEAR, I WISH THAT I CAN GET MY LIFE AGAIN.. BUT NO.. I COULDNT.. AND BY THE 1ST OF FEBRUARY 2014, I LOST THAT CHANCE TO GET MY LIFE BACK.

SINCE 1ST FEBRUARY AND UNTILL FOREVER -I DONT KNOW WHEN IS IT- MY LIFE WILL NEVER BACK!!

CONGRATULATION!! YOU KILLED TWO WOMAN SOUL AND HEART!!

ENOUGH! IM DONE!

-3:45 AM when i finished this-

IF ONLY

If only I knew you  too soon,
Mybe you will still here..
If only I met you that time..
Maybe you will stay here..
If only I could tell you the truth,
Because now I'm so lost..
If only I could talking to you..
Because I know that you want to..
If only I could stay for one more minutes..
Because I would love to see you one more time..

If only I could stay..
If only I could meet you..
If only I could see you..
If only I could be your..
If only I could..
If only I..
If only..

HELLo MY Day

My Day..
What else i could say.. I was dying.. And now one more hurt has come to me..
What should i do... I was suffer.. And now one more strugle let me came in..
I pray to God everyday.. everynight.. I pray to God to take me.. But untill i post this, im still alive..

I lose every reason to live.. what should i do..
I lose my Mom..
And I just broke up with my boyfriend..

I have no reason to live..
Everything has gone..

My Day..
Help me..
God..

My Mother Has Passed Away

It has been long long long time im not posting in this block.


Well...
This is some new news from me..

My mother  has passed away at February, 1st 2014 because breast cancer, but then, we had told that she had bone cancer before she got breast cancer. A shock for me. But i've trying to be strong. Im still trying to keep smiling even when i wanna cry. Im so often to cry everynight. I miss her. Alot.

I miss her... Alot..
I miss you.. Mom..

QUOTES OF THE DAY

"To be a good person. First you have to do is Be Honnest To Yourself."

Now Winter Nights Enlarge

Now winter nights enlarge
The number of their hours,
And clouds their storms discharge
Upon the airy towers.
Let now the chimneys blaze,
And cups o’erflow with wine;
Let well-tuned words amaze
With harmony divine.
Now yellow waxen lights
Shall wait on honey love,
While youthful revels, masques, and courtly sights
Sleep’s leaden spells remove.

This time doth well dispense
With lovers’ long discourse;
Much speech hath some defence,
Though beauty no remorse.
All do not all things well;
Some measures comely tread,
Some knotted riddles tell,
Some poems smoothly read.
The summer hath his joys
And winter his delights;
Though love and all his pleasures are but toys,
They shorten tedious nights.

by Thomas Campion (1617)

Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind

Blow, blow, thou winter wind.
Thou art not so unkind
As man’s ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember’d not.
Heigh-ho! sing, &c.

_
Act II, Scene 7 from "As You Like It"
By William Shakespeare (1600)

Winter Heavens

Sharp is the night, but stars with frost alive
Leap off the rim of earth across the dome.
It is a night to make the heavens our home
More than the nest whereto apace we strive.
Lengths down our road each fir-tree seems a hive,
In swarms outrushing from the golden comb.
They waken waves of thoughts that burst to foam:
The living throb in me, the dead revive.
Yon mantle clothes us: there, past mortal breath,
Life glistens on the river of the death.
It folds us, flesh and dust; and have we knelt,
Or never knelt, or eyed as kine the springs
Of radiance, the radiance enrings:
And this is the soul’s haven to have felt.

By: George Meredith (1888)